Discovered something useful tonight about vortex.. happiness..flow state..and the fragile and sensitive nature of it
I often go to play snooker (a billiards game) at the local pool hall. It’s a bigger table.. harder to play.. and requires more concentration. I get immense joy playing and competing, when I’m playing well. Its as close to meditation and flow state as I know (next to graphic/web design, my other happy place)…
I’m fully aware how to get into flow state in snooker and I know under what conditions I probably won’t as well (lots of distraction.. noise.. people). I played someone tonight who “turned me off” by his style.. mannerisms.. edicate…table manners. At first, I blamed him for my poor result. But then I realized he is trying to find his vortex/source/flow state as well..
I tried extra hard to lead by example… hoping it would have an effect on him. It didn’t.
But then I remember Hicks said something crucially important in regards to finding vortex: “OTHERS don’t need to do anything to help you.. you get to choose.. “.
During a break.. I went back inside looking for joy.. I tried to remember what about the game makes me truly happy and I stayed there in my mind.. and the result was wonderful.. I played well enough to win, not my best, but I enjoyed it because I found flow.. I stopped worrying about winning or losing.. but I won anyways.
I left the night feeling successful cause I found access to vortex even when the world around me was chaotic and full of interruption..I didn’t play to the standard I’m capable of.. but I left the place with a smile in my heart..
LESSON: The tiniest things can throw you off.. when you take your eyes of vortex/source for even a few minutes… Especially in activities where you think source doesn’t matter.. it always does.. always.. The experience tonight reminds me of the poem, “IF” by Rudyard Kipling (http://mayur.ca/if-by-rudyard-kipling/)
I think I need to pursue meditation…I heard it helps you stay inside throughout the day
“If we define authenticity as simply being your true self, then we really shouldn’t have to look for it in the first place. If we’re looking for it, then we’ve already lost it. And that is what we can call the paradox of authenticity.” – Jordan Harbinger
Keep letting go until you feel free, light, and happy.
It’s difficult if you aren’t there yet. But as you let more things go, it becomes easier to let more things go. I’m not talking about wealth or objects of desire.. I’m talking about the dead weight.. the demons.. the bad people.. the bad ideas.. the stuff you know is eating you up.. the stuff that makes you cry.. past hurts.. past pain..
How can u possibly swim in the “stream” with all that weight on your shoulders? How can you move on? Its pretty difficult…even Micheal Phelps will tell u to take the dead weight off your back…
I know what it’s like.. . I carried everyone’s issues on my back from poor past programming.. I was helpful and kind.. and of course… everyone being in need would respond with appreciation which would in turn re-enforce the behaviour in me.. but then it also created a bad loop cause I need appreciation from everyone else.. a losing scenario.. I stopped it by letting go of that need.. by watching a lot of Joel Osteen and realizing god/source has my back.. some soul food and deep lessons..
Some of you asked, what my “journey” has done so far for me:
First a little back story…
It actually all started in looking for joy. I realized a few months back, things have been way out of balance for far too long. Taking care of mom/dad the last 10 years. Dad had Alzheimers, which was triggered by a family trauma (losing money, financial crisis, don’t want to get into it) and his own poor health. I became unemployed and came back home… found all this tragedy and drama unfolding and became part of it. I thought I would help.. for a few years.. it became 10.. mostl of my own doing.. Mom got depressed and then I did.. for 10 bloody years… the dark days were unbearable.. often wanting to end it all.
But the last year or so, a close friend showed me that life isn’t supposed to be full of pain. She pushed my buttons, and made me smile. She inspired me to change, and said I don’t have to care about everyone. But that pattern was so strongly built in me by that point. She didn’t give up. She gave me a hint that joy was possible and showed me what it looked like. We went to the gym, and met friends, and ate good food. Life was good.. but then she left for her own journey.. and I started back with Hicks again..
My cousin showed me Hicks like 12 years ago.. I wasn’t ready then.. thought it was too much woo woo, crystals and pixie dust.. what are these people smoking?
I decided a few months back.. I would commit to some small moments of joy every day.. a laugh even.. a smile.. walking in public and not being so damn depressed.. thanks to my friend..
Then.. was the light switch.. “If source can’t make them see, what makes you think you can”. That line was for me. Mom is still in her limiting, small thinking bubble. So what.. i don’t care.. let her be. I could never say that a year ago. Dad is gone now.. he passed last year.. but its her. I was so caught up in saving for the last 10 years.. I lost myself. But that one line was it. It was enough to get me to see myself in the mirror once again. Its my life.. its a gift.. I knew it.. but I didn’t get it.
A side effect of saving others.. is that I didn’t save myself.. Single.. never married.. but I forgive myself.. I understand now it wasn’t them.. it was me.. and I’m working on it and things are changing for the better already..
I’m eating better and losing weight.. its me.. I get to decide.. and I decide good health..
Found a few web developers I can outsource to.. client contracts are coming.. people are actually demanding I send them an invoice! hahah.. a project I have dreamed of for 2 years is going full speed ahead.. and I found exactly, like I mean EXACTLY as if I created him myself… like down to the accent!!! That guy showed up.. I could kiss him LOL.. anyways.. happy happy joy joy….
I can’t talk just about Hicks without also mentioning Pastor Joel Osteen and Pastor Andy Stanley either.. google them… a must conceal and carry for me anyways..
Look for joy.. from there you will find a lot of answers. Life is not supposed to be painful.
The last few months..my journey.. maybe it helps you
Step 1: Get to the point where you DO NOT care what ANYONE thinks..like anyone.. like i mean.. anyone at all.. ever.. get to that point..
Step 2: Get to the realization that NOTHING in your current environment matters.. not TRUMP.. not the economy.. not your current job.. not your mother or father or wife or husband.. THEY can never live in your shoes.. they don’t read your heart like you do.. NEVER EVER ever.. Your current situation doesn’t have to dictate the future..
Step 3: Realize you can’t change anyone.. if source can’t make them see.. what makes you think you can? That was a big moment for me…Really get this one and a huge weight will be lifted off.. you will suddenly realize only one light source can be changed.. yours.. your fire can be stoked… if some others catch notice.. great.. but who cares if they do or don’t.. thats just bonus points..their time will come when they are ready for it.. just not now..move along
Step 4: Relax.. its all in your control.. meditate and focus on what you want.. just dream.. think.. smile.. laugh.. let all the pain go.. no barriers.. no limits.. think big.. dream it.. see it… kill the little voices of doubt that want to creep in.. Get to the point where you are saying.. “Hmmm.. you know I think I could.. hmmm.” ponder it.. and DON”T LET GO of it.. whatever it takes.. people will try .. your own mind might step in.. but hold fast to the little heart warming dreams..
Breathe in, breathe out. 20,000 times a day on average. It’s a metaphor for your life. When you are young and ambitious, you breathe in by getting money, sex, people, children, possesions, profit, and experiences. When you are old, you breathe out by giving everything away – your daughter to a husband, your home for a condo, your money for others, your time through donation, your energy for someone or something else. People who find themselves early in life, breathe in faster, and out sooner. Sometimes we go through a few cycles of this.
“For all its material advantages, the sedentary life has left us edgy, unfulfilled. Even after 400 generations in villages and cities, we haven’t forgotten. The open road still softly calls, like a nearly forgotten song of childhood. We invest far-off places with a certain romance. This appeal, I suspect, has been meticulously crafted by natural selection as an essential element in our survival. Long summers, mild winters, rich harvests, plentiful game—none of them lasts forever. Your own life, or your band’s, or even your species’ might be owed to a restless few—drawn, by a craving they can hardly articulate or understand, to undiscovered lands and new worlds.
Herman Melville, in Moby Dick, spoke for wanderers in all epochs and meridians: “I am tormented with an everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas…”
Maybe it’s a little early. Maybe the time is not quite yet. But those other worlds— promising untold opportunities—beckon.